i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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