one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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