I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
