Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
