actually, I'm a sock model
just tell him i said nine months
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
