Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
