It's a beautiful day for a hangover
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
