how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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