Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
