Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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