This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
