Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
