everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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