dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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