I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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