This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
