you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
