so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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