and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
