You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
