My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
