Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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