I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
