We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
