dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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