I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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