I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have tasted many bathrooms
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
