we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
