My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
