glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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