Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
