I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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