she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
