I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
