I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
