i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
