You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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