So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please come you make the beer taste better
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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