he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
