Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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