Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
