I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
