drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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