His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
