his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
