It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think people are normalizing furries
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
