the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize