There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
