listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
