Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
