I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
