and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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