Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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