just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
