i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
