The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
