So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
