I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
