Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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