The maid of honor just puked.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
