He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize