Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
