I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
