And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
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