question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
