Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
whose parrot is this?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
